The internet made me.

I love the internet. And so do you. We're all addicted. But at what point does it become an illness haha?

I have a confession.

So although I'm not engaged yet, it's a good idea to have things planned beforehand since me and Clifton want a shorter engagement. Then the actual engagement isn't stressful for us :). I know. We're geniuses.

But I did something bad.

I found the absolute most perfect dress ever online for only $150. Sweet smackin deal right?! And it's not crappy either, it's made of nice things like satin and chaffon and organza. Yum :P. But I decided since I'm poor that I can't buy it until May. Like the END of May. Which made me sad but totally worth it since I'm being better with my money. But the STUPID INTERNET made me keep looking at my perfect dress!

So I bought it yesterday haha. I know, I'm an idiot :D. I can't wait til it comes in :]

Silly teenagers

So my work tends to be the place where teenagers go and try to show off how cool they are. Wanna hear the best ones?

• Girls that stuff money down their shirts/training bra. So then when they have to pay they dig down their shirts because somehow it's not in the same place. Lots of the time, I get soggy money that I just know was in some girls armpit by accident and I want to throw up all over them. Seriously, when did this become "cool"? It happens waaaay too much and it's waaaay too sick. Bleh *shudder*. Thoroughly grossed out every time.
• Just sitting on the ground talking loud so one of their crushes can hear. First of all, you're in the way. Secondly, your crush is on the other side of the arcade...haha um ok.
• Swearing constantly to show how hardcore they are. Now I'm not one to judge, I like to throw a swear word in every once in awhile; it's fun sometimes. But really, do they KNOW any other words?
• Now there are some fashions I will never get, and I will always laugh about haha. And there are too many I'm used to now that I can't think of any in particular. Except the pants that are worn mid thigh. Why do these guys want everyone to see their boxers? If they were the coolest design on the planet I would get that, but just plain colors? It's not cool mister teenager! It's not more comfortable either, I see you pulling your pants up every 5 seconds and I see you walking with your legs as wide as they will go.
• Getting in fights over something small. I probably think this is dumb because I won't even fight back if someone's attacking me; it's just not who I am, so of course I don't understand why people fight for pride or whatever. Use your words little kids lol.

Ok that's all I can think of right now. Really I just wanted to talk about the money in the bra thing. Cause that one has me most confused haha. Silly teenagers. I'm so glad I'm out of that awkward horrific stage of life :P.

MISUNDERSTOOD

For some reason when I'm not smiling, everyone thinks I hate life. I have had so many comments at work from customers about it. I don't smile ALL THE TIME cause that would be super creeper! There's just something about my face and I don't know what it is.


Sadly, that's not the only thing. There's apparently something about my voice too. Whatever it is, people think I'm much more extreme in the way I feel than I really am. I'll be kidding around with someone then they'll be like "whoa calm down I'm just joking"....so was I...it's sad I have to clarify that though. I mean I know that I'm very expressive and that's not something that's going to change. I'll always be the dork that is making all sorts of faces while reading my book without even realizing it.


I guess I'm just trying to say try not to misunderstand me. Cause even though I may not be smiling, I could be really happy. And even though it seems like I'm really dramatic or extreme, it's all my voices fault haha. Cause I'm actually a pretty chill person, that doesn't want to be misunderstood.

If it gets any sweeter than this, I don't wanna know.

Once upon a time there was a girl. Named Jesse. And she fell super in love with a boy. Named Clifton.
The end.

Good story huh?

Haha ok. For real. Since I have absolutely nothing else to talk about besides work, I guess starting with my love is a good place. I know. I'm a loser. That's what I get for not being in school :P.

I guess it really started with my decision to go to Snow College in 2007. There I met someone that changed my life in so many ways it's ridiculous. He was my first love and the only thing I saw was me and him together. He only saw me as a friend, and that was the hardest thing for me to understand since I was his best friend and he was attracted to me. Things got really rough and by the summer of 2009, all of my hope in men had gone.

I was so crushed. I was damaged. I didn't know how to be better.

I vowed that I would never invest anything into the male species again, because nothing was working out. Plus I really just didn't care. I buried my hope and just went day to day kind of numb. Thankfully this only lasted about a month when one of my coworkers decided to set me up with his best friend. I wasn't expecting a thing, and for good reason. I mean I felt broken and let down, how could I expect anything?

I got a text from Clifton and we set up a time to meet, a few days later. I felt myself getting excited but I reminded myself that I wasn't allowed to hope for anything. We went on a night hike and it was

the most incredible feeling i've had in way too long. He brought me back to life, as cliche and cheesy as that sounds.

Clifton ignited my bones again :).

We planned more and more dates and before I knew it we were a couple. I love looking back on our first official date, when we first held hands. Our first kiss. I was so excited and happy. And I still am. But before we get to that, you should probably know about the break.

At the end of October I did the most horrible thing ever. Yep. I cheated on Clifton. You may not think it's a big deal, or the relationship was too short to be considered cheating, but I am disgusted with myself for doing something like that to someone so beautiful. I convinced myself that if I had the desire to cheat, then Clifton wasn't the one for me. Plus, I had some things to work on and had to be single to do that. You know how it is. So we broke up. All of a sudden, the pressure for Clifton to be a certain way or to only pay attention to me was lifted and

I saw him in a whole new light.

Clifton quickly became my best friend and I got to know him so much better. I got to love him for who he is and appreciate all that he does. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. We got back together in December, a month later :). You may think that's an unhealthy way to start a relationship, but it turned out to be the best decision for us. If it wasn't for the little break there would be so many things we would've missed out on together. And really it's brought us closer together. Things have been perfect since then. Before you gag, of course we've had our arguments. It wouldn't be a relationship without them. We've been through a lot. And because of our imperfections...

THAT'S. What makes it SO perfect.